Your body speaks your mind
The human body is an incredibly intelligent instrument.
We did not manage to evolve for the last few million years for any other reason.
Yet many of us doubt or completely overlook the communication that our bodies have with us, particularly in regards to sex and pleasure.
Countless studies into female orgasm over the past few decades have returned the approximate statistic that only three in ten women experience internal, vaginal orgasm during penetrative sex, the rest reaching orgasm through clitoral stimulation alone.
Furthermore, the same studies return the statistic that one in ten women don't experience any regular orgasm at all.
For a long time, while I was in the pool of women who could only experience clitoral orgasm I struggled with the idea that my body was broken, for the fact that I wasn't experiencing sex as an entire soul encompassing experience.
Sure clitoral orgasms are pleasurable, but for a long time I felt like I was missing out on something much deeper.
If I carry out action A then surely result B should ensue? This is mechanics, this is logic.
Why then was my body not yielding the results that it was designed to do?
For many years I thought that I would never experience sex in the same deeply fulfilling and life enhancing way that the lucky ones in my social circle were, or the way that sex is depicted by Hollywood.
But now I know that my body was communicating a genuine truth, and all I had to do was look deeper into myself and my experiences in order to unlock the healing lessons within.
To my understanding there are TWO main reasons that women suffer from a lack of sexual sensitivity and anorgasmia (a lack of orgasm).
1. Tension build up in the psyche, which effects the body-mind. We could also call this stress, energy blocks, or unprocessed trauma and negativity surrounding sex and relationships.
And reason 2. being perhaps way more interesting, and currently misunderstood is:
Women's innate sensitivity to energetics and emotion from outside stimulus
The first reason above, I have spoken of in prior blogs where I've outlined ancient remedies like the yoni egg practice, and Tantric yoni massage to release tension in the body.
The second reason however, is perhaps even more ambiguous upon first reflection and I invite you to consider your own experiences in making up your mind.
Sex is energetic and women are sensitive
If your body is fairly free of energetic blocks, tension build up and trauma, then it is precisely the state that your man is in when he enters your body, that you will feel.
A man's penis is the tool by which he transmits his energy to you.
And if he enters you with only his body and not his presence, his awareness and his intention it is unlikely that you will feel much.
An effect of widespread porn use is that its trained both men and women alike into thinking that sex is all about the physical aspect.
Its also trained a lot of men, and women alike into being overly concerned with simply the pursuit of carnal pleasure during sex, as opposed to choosing to be embodied, present and intentional with their lovemaking.
Now sure, there is a time and a place for solely being concerned with carnal pleasure- when the primal animal takes over
Yet by the same token this conditioning has cast a shadow over the real depths; that sex is actually experienced by the whole self.
We experience sex, whether consciously or subconsciously across the whole spectrum of self, not only physical, but also emotional and energetic.
If a man enters you only to seek his own pleasure, turning up with no energy to bring forward to you, then you will feel this as emptiness.
A man needs to enter you with his presence, seeking not to only fulfill himself but to meet with you- and to feel what is there together.
It is the difference between engaging in sex from the perspective of "emptiness needing to be fulfilled" or on the contrary, "a fullness wanting to be expressed, and the currency is always energy.
For the most time, many of us have considered sex to be purely a physical act, but we are now at a time in history where we are beginning to expand our awareness and understanding of the nature of reality, of our own interconnected nature, and of the energetics that underpin the physical realm.
Have you ever noticed that you can feel the intention behind someone's touch? You go to get a massage and you can really tell the difference if your therapist was present, caring and loving or if she was thinking about her shopping list.
The importance of trusting your own body's responses
We so often forget to consider the possibility that our bodies are innately intelligent, and that its communication with us is infallible.
The unfortunate outcome of this mental premise is that we tend to override the body's communication because we think it must be wrong. We ignore when sex starts to feel dull, and we dissociate and carry on.
This can be felt both ways within the partnership, yet it's always a wonderful opportunity to invite awareness into the moment, to breathe together, and to feel what is there or not there- the key is to feel it.
Sex, when done consciously is an incredibly powerful healing modality. It is a way of accessing and moving the energy within the body-mind system.
In this way, it can often stir up deep seated pain and emotion if we really surrender into the presence of what energy is current and/ or buried within the body and the psyche. If we seek to truly experience what is felt during sex rather than overriding the body's communication because "an orgasm is wanted" then the layers of healing, growth and integration can begin.
Sometimes you will find that this means the strengthening of a relationship, and sometimes you will find that it means the ending of one, but the path to personal truth is always worth the walk.
When you are connected to your truth you will be enlivened by it, and it is then that you get to experience all the deepest joys that living in your truth brings.