Sensual healing with Black Obsidian | A Prologue

I recently slept with my ex

Who unfortunately does not align with my highest good.

My body; primed on need and want,

Rather than being satiated (childhood emotional neglect),

Well, my body absolutely adores him.

Yet- she is awake now, 

So she finally knows he isn’t right. 

Like I really get it now after years of the same relational pattern with different men.


Unshakeable self trust is my new super power.


After a lifetime of being dissociated from my body,

I now trust my body's wisdom and communication,


Above. All. Else.

He penetrated my entire realm of consciousness that night

My vast emotive and visceral landscape,

Yet still his essence failed to merge with mine.

Just like it was before-


He remained stoic.
Protected,
Unemotional.


It felt to me as though he was not really inhabiting his body,

Rather, he remained in the thought structures of his mind,

Whilst I, an expression of Divine love...

Well...

I just wanted to lose all construct of my human edges,

I longed to open to the infinite waves and expressions of our ecstatic love-

Together.

Blending, melding, breathing and opening,

In the magnificent awe of our oneness with love-

Together.

But, he wanted me on a different plane.

And I was hungry that night,

So I imbibed with him.

I partook in the feast of the empty flesh,

The one which leaves your soul ravenous for more,

For deeper, sweeter and fuller.

As we rolled in each others arms my heart began to talk,

Whispering up to my face from the cavity of my chest,

The whispers reverberating loudly inside their cage of bones,

The acoustics rattling me as they ascended upwards and hit my skull...

And in a moment of sudden recognition,

Or remembrance-

Like a light bulb switch, as my eyes are locked with his, 

I hear myself  silently say the words,


I love you 
I love you. 
I love you


And I felt him too,

Present with me for a fleeting moment,
 
Loving me authentically,

I was feeling my body open to him,

I let my heart soften 

And then he shut down again.

His eyes avert.

He departs the moment.

And thus begins the play.

The rehearsed lines, stage directions, cues.

And I knew,

We have been here before, and are going no where new.

My double Pisces water body sensed his strong Virgo wall, and so,

I protected myself by withdrawing and closing too.

My heart has had enough, and I recognise discord & misalignment.


Never again will I fall in love, with or hold on to potential.

 And so begins the personal work for me again. 
 

Whilst I allow my tears to wash away the sweet and tender taste of longing.
 

 I take my black obsidian yoni egg,

The smaller size today feels right for my level of openness.

I ritualistically roll out my yoga mat,

Light a candle and some sage

To sanctify-

The subtle flow of devotional love from my yoni to heart once again.

I breathe with more presence,

Allowing the breath to show me how I feel, 

This is how I heal my heart and my body,

This is how I integrate these lessons of self trust and self
love...

Devotional self connection,

I will never abandon me again.

For all of my life instead of trusting the wisdom and communication of my body,

Instead of having boundaries and self worth around who I give my energy and attention to, 

Instead of trusting my intuition, my bodily felt sense of knowing-
 
I over analysed and thought my perceptions were somehow skewed-

This caused a lot more unnecessary heart ache than if I trusted the feelings in my body as they presented,

I felt empty and so I tried to outsource my feelings of love and contentment,

This only made me a match for those who wanted to feed on my energy,

I thought my body was a broken,

But she had just stopped talking to me because I had failed to listen for so many years.

 Start the conversation with her once again,

She has so much to say to you,

Love Aysha xx